Aaron Ger­vais…

…has had his music inter­preted in 172 coun­tries, in all 7 con­ti­nents, and in var­i­ous other loca­tions, in addi­tion to per­for­mances by all of the lead­ing ensem­bles world­wide and most pro­fes­sional soc­cer clubs.

…is a com­poser. He writes music, and in his spare time enjoys adding artic­u­la­tions to other people’s scores, long walks by the beach, and soli­tary computer-lit din­ners slav­ing over his work.

…is inter­ested in the appli­ca­tion of asym­met­ri­cal poly­va­lent pitch nests to the prob­lems of culturo-perceptual rela­tion­ships involv­ing nine-dimensional string the­ory data sets. This of course, implies the use of evo­lu­tion­ary qua­dratic sieves for the pur­poses of…

…received his musi­cal train­ing on the streets of south-central LA, push­ing drums and pimp­ing rows. When he’s not in the stu­dio or cap­ping cops in the street, he’s cruis­ing with the ladies in his cus­tom Mer­cedes SLR or chill­ing at the most exclusive clubs.

…is one of the most well-known com­posers in the East La Jolla New Music scene, hav­ing estab­lished a rep­u­ta­tion as a musi­cal pio­neer at such cutting-edge venues as Yummi Maki Yummi Box and Whole Foods, where the man­ager of the estab­lish­ment had this to say, “Aaron is a good employee [of com­po­si­tional tech­niques]. He’s one of the most metic­u­lous… [com­posers] I’ve ever had, although he takes too long on his lunch breaks.”

…is a com­poser. And you’re not—bitch!

…was a con­tem­po­rary of Mozart liv­ing in Prus­sia. He worked for the royal court of Fred­er­ick William II, both as a com­poser of mainly key­board works and as a lock­smith. Although his works were often dis­missed dur­ing his life­time as super­fi­cial and unimag­i­na­tive, musi­col­o­gists have recently shown that many of his sketches formed the basis for Mozart’s works, and that the two com­posers main­tained a pro­lific cor­re­spon­dence through­out their life­times. They would exchange scores and sug­ges­tions for improve­ments on a monthly basis under the pseu­do­nyms Adri­anus Gerveid and Wil­helm­gang Merzart…

…is a com­poser whose assent to star­dom is a true tes­ta­ment to the power of the Amer­i­can Dream. Grow­ing up in a poor farm­ing com­mu­nity in south­ern Texas, he worked three full-time jobs in order to pay his way through col­lege. Ger­vais is a dec­o­rated war vet­eran who believes in spread­ing the val­ues of free­dom and democ­racy through­out the world. His music is the music of a true patriot, and his rous­ing themes pro­vide resolve and inspi­ra­tion for our troops abroad dur­ing his numer­ous mil­i­tary concert tours.

…loves all music and all cul­tures. He uses the uni­ver­sal power of melody to end hatred and uplift all the peo­ples of the world. 20% of the pro­ceeds from his lat­est album, Beau­ti­ful Souls, Let Your Kind­ness Shine, will be donated to help pro­vide music lessons to under­priv­iledged chil­dren. Order now and you will also receive a per­son­al­ized inspi­ra­tional message.

…is the only com­poser today whose FDA-approved music is guar­an­teed to help you lose weight and keep off those unwanted pounds for good. No unpleas­ant and dif­fi­cult exer­cises, no diet­ing, just 20 min­utes a day of con­cen­trated lis­ten­ing and you’ll be on your way to that flat sexy tummy you’ve always dreamed of.

…, over phat beatz, rip­pin’ lyrics like a .44, keep ’em crump on da dance floor, yeah! At all da showz, we knowz who be per­mu­tatin’ the tone rowz, des­e­cratin’ melodiez in da high pitchez N da lowz. Shout out 2 my dogz Big Ian­nis X, Killa Kurtag, Feldie M. Feld­man, Char­lie “Ivory” Ives, da whole crew at da Sec­ond Vien­nese Projects, So Gubaidu-licious, my pro­ducer, N 2 all my thugs keepin’ it real from Tokyo 2 Berlin. See y’all in the clubs N check out my new track, Pitch Class Pimpin’.

…believes in world peace, sav­ing the whales, and the power of pos­i­tive think­ing. He hopes to serve as a role model for future gen­er­a­tions of aspir­ing com­posers; to help them be the best they can be and to feel good about them­selves and their bodies.

…’s music has been described by one lead­ing critic in the fol­low­ing terms: “The per­for­mance, although spec­tac­u­larly well pre­pared, was a dis­play of embar­rass­ing com­po­si­tional mast…[ery]. I thought we had finally done away with the pompous self-indulgence of twentieth-century mod­ernism, but Gervais’s work shows that I was mis­taken [in my eval­u­a­tion of the genre]. A per­for­mance def­i­nitely [not] to be missed, high­light­ing the dis­func­tion­al­ity of the New Music scene today.”

If you missed it before or want to hear it again, Cul­ture no.3 will be broad­cast on Radio-Canada’s Espace Musique at 8:00pm on Thurs­day 7 Dec. As with the CBC, you can also lis­ten online.